It’d Be More Mysterious If It Weren’t For Those Meddling Kids

I’m not really the person to bother to stay particularly up to date on the happenings on the internet, so for all I know, this might be old news, but a few days ago I rediscovered the joy of Mystery Google. Almost. The concept is simple and wonderful enough. It looks like Google, you type in your search term like in Google, except the results you get are what the person before you searched for. It’s a great concept, and I rather like it because if you keep using it for ten minutes or so, you notice enough trends and actually walk away with a rather naked glimpse at humanity.

I first discovered Mystery Google about a month or two ago, and typed in those normal, silly searches you used the first time someone told you about Google, like “hello”, and “funny”. Then when you get the search results for things like “<O.O>”, you realize that what’s even more fun that getting the previous person’s results is that the next person gets yours. Naturally, I typed in things like “the inescapable futility of existence” (and did some shameless self-advertising by searching for this blog), but lost interest pretty quickly, without paying much attention to what I was getting.

A few days ago, being the good college students that we are, we were messing around with Mystery Google, and this is when I started to really pay attention to what other people were searching for. For every handful of search terms most likely done by people showing Mystery Google to their friends and pissing them off with things like “Mary likes monkey balls”, we got the occasional “You are a good person.” Briefly motivated by this, we decided to try our hand at setting up positive searches for people too. We typed in “People need you.” We got search results for “edward cullen doggy style”. This was short lived.

So I guess you can kind of learn a few things about people from things like Mystery Google. People enjoy making fun of other people, occasionally inspiring them, and hot fictitious vampire sex.

Enlightening!

Technical Difficulties, Part 2

Today’s post was originally written as a satire piece for a currently unpublished issue of my school’s alternative paper, but seeing as how 1) it elaborates on my last post, 2) I’m reasonably certain I can use it both on my blog and in the paper, 3) it’s styled like something I’d write here anyway, and 4) it provides a little more clarity into why exactly I’m not updating very much right now and why you should never EVER buy a Dell, I’m posting it here. You kids have fun.

- – -

Thrilled as I am that I’ve made it through my first month in college, the same can’t be said for my laptop. Last week my barely three month old Dell Studio 15 laptop decided that turning on was no longer something it was particularly interested in doing, and after another week of Dell sending a tech guy (twice) to ultimately not fix my laptop and then sending me an empty box, vaguely symbolic of my faith in the company, to send it back, it’s now sitting in the mailroom where FedEx picks it up the next business day and Dell probably fixes it in 2011.

It’s fitting how Dell’s commercials for their Studio series are lollipop themed, since the one they sold me was a lemon.

But as much as I’d enjoy bashing Dell for its incompetence (the Styrofoam cutout in their box didn’t even fit my laptop – learn the dimensions of your own products!), I’m much less thrilled with Dell’s inconsideration. They’re perfectly content letting their customers wait 8-14 days for repairs and playing that damn lollipop song while you’re on hold for half of the two hours you spend on the phone with tech support, but do they understand how inconvenient this is? I mean, sure, I can just go to the library to print out my homework and write papers and such, that works just fine, but going to the library ever other day to read the new XKCD? The new Penny Arcade? Clearly no one at Dell understands what a hassle it is to keep current with Questionable Content every day without your own computer you can read it on without feeling vaguely self conscious reading a giant, occasionally risqué comic in the library.

Now, sure, webcomics are one petty complaint, but then you have your tv shows. If you miss the new Office episode and don’t have access to Hulu or a sketchy Korean Youtube-knockoff to make up for it, then how are you going to be able to complain about how much worse the show gets every season? Not to mention how you’ll also have to do this in real life too, where you usually have considerably less anonymity.

It’s not even the absence of the internet that complicates matters, because even without it, you’re still going to have procrastinated enough to have to walk over to the library at 1 a.m. to check for that email your professor sent the class about what to bring to class tomorrow or to write up that paper or alternative newspaper article you put off to the last minute, and then when you suddenly have that internet access you’ve been cut off from all day, you know you’re just going to be on Facebook the whole time.

Oh? That’s right. The thousand pound gorilla in the hypothetical room. Facebook. I went there. It’s no secret we need instant access to Facebook nowadays. If you can’t constantly check Facebook to see if you’ve been tagged in any new pictures, then how are you going to know what you did last night? How are you going to write yet another status update complaining about how much work you still have to do or how you want to strangle whoever’s blasting “Boom Boom Pow” at this time of night? How are you going to play Farmville? Does Dell have any idea how many damn people are playing Farmville? Eight to fourteen days, my ass! I need to start playing Farmville!

It’s readily apparent just how great student need for a computer is, and if you don’t have your own, you either spend seven hours a day in the library, or you’re going down that proverbial creek without that proverbial paddle, or, worse still, you’re typing up your alternative newspaper article on your friend’s MacBook that half the people who listen to your story about your broken laptop inform you that you really should have gotten instead. In other words, don’t get a Dell, because Dell clearly doesn’t care about you getting to play Farmville with your friends.

Late to the Party: Grapes of Wrath (And I’m Finished!)

Okay, I had to wrap this up really quickly because, well, I’m going to college and I can’t really take my personal library of books with me, so looks like I actually have to sit down and read a book!

So, yes, I finished Grapes of Wrath. And it was good, in all its Steinbeck-y brilliance. Of course, the world already knows it’s a good book, and the intent of this post isn’t to review it or analyze it, but rather to fill up space so it looks like I’m updating my blog simply describe my experience reading it, or… something. So, SPOILERS! Obviously.

After my last post about 3/4 of the way through, I worried that my favorite character, the ex-preacher Jim Casy, wouldn’t show up in the rest of the book due to being arrested and dragged off, but having read other Steinbeck (East of Eden), I shouldn’t have been all that surprised that he would. And then he’s around for maybe two and a half pages before he gets killed off, Tom Joad avenges his death, and spends the rest of the book on the run from the law. It’s a shame Casy couldn’t have stuck around all the way through, since I just loved listening to him talk and philosophize, but given how he’s the ironic Christ figure, it was more or less a given from the get go. On the plus side, Tom ended the novel by realizing Casy’s messages and vowing to take up his struggle, which is basically the only plus side the novel ends on. Obviously this wasn’t going to be a happy ending, since, like Steinbeck addressed in one of the novel’s alternating prose chapters, the cause of the issue wasn’t addressed, only the effects, so the Joads losing everything is basically the only outcome the story could have ended on. Although the last three pages supposedly ended it on a semi-uplifting note, but I just thought the thing with Rose of Sharon and the starving guy was kind of creepy, but, obviously, drastic times and drastic measures and all. I just don’t really see how it was supposed to be a symbolic light at the end of the tunnel, like Sparknotes suggested.

Thus making me sound like a terrible former AP Lit student.

Late to the Party: Currently Reading Grapes of Wrath (3/4 Finished)

So believe it or not, I actually do intend to keep this feature alive, partly because simply blogging about my reactions to a book I’m reading as I’m reading it seems like it could be pretty fun even if everybody who winds up reading the post already read the book anyway, and also because I really do need to get myself to read more often.

Anyway, right after I wrote about how the ex-preacher Jim Casy was my favorite character in my first Currently Reading, he went and got arrested and we haven’t seen him since. This is kind of a bummer. Granted, he set up a nice, ironic Christ motif for himself by taking the fall for Tom Joad, who couldn’t afford to get in any legal trouble what with having broken parole and all, but I’m definitely missing his insight, and I’m kind of annoyed that Tom doesn’t seem too bothered by his absence either, having, you know, gone to jail for him.

So the Joad family just made it to California the last time I posted, and the warnings that it’s far from the land of opportunity promised them have all come true, and although the Joads have actually been really lucky so far, all things considered, there’s clear signs they’ll inevitably lose what little gains they’ve made since their arrival. Again, I don’t know how the novel ends, not having read it before, but I can’t see it steering away from the powerful sense of impending doom Steinbeck has so heavily embedded in the narrative. The Joad family feels not too much unlike a time bomb, and though they’ve managed luck so far, I don’t think things are going to end well for them.

Without Casy though, my current most interesting character is probably Rose of Sharon, not because I like her a whole lot, but it’s interesting how while the rest of the family deals with the paranoia of making a living, she deals with the paranoia of her pregnancy. She absolutely freaks out whenever so much as a hyper-religious old lady comes along condemning such deplorable sins as dancing and acting and, I dunno… breathing, maybe. It’s kind of like her paranoia manifests everyone else’s. Makes me wonder if when she finally gives birth if that baby doesn’t serve some metaphorical purpose too?

Yeah, you might already know, but don’t tell me! I’m almost done!

Calling Out A Self-Employed Artist Like The Friendly Chap I Am

What the hell happened to Pictures for Sad Children?

Not that I’m the kind of person so self-centered and arrogant that I’ll complain about so much as a webcomic taking a new direction I don’t particularly like, except… well, I kind of will. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about letting the guy do whatever he wants with his own works, what I’m getting at is more confusion over the changes being made.

I discovered John Campbell’s Pictures for Sad Children almost a year ago, which a number of my friends promptly hated me for. The so-called “comic” is a showcase of depressing, dark humor with characters incapable of getting anywhere in their miserable life (or afterlife) completely devoid of meaning. Being the cheery and life-loving fellow I am, I immediately fell in love with the comic’s nihilistic human condition and distressingly and nonchalantly terse diction and the defeatist “punchlines” coupled with it. I photoshopped a wallpaper from one of my personal favorites, and continue to use the original frame as my avatar wherever I find it fitting (as anyone who’s seen my Twitter can tell you).

However, over the past couple months, without any sort of explanation, Campbell has dropped the characters and story from Pictures for Sad Children and now each comic stands independent of the others, telling their own stories with their own characters. Again, it’s fine that he’s doing this, it’s his comic, and the comics are still poetically dismal and distressingly humorous, although they tend to lean far more towards the comic’s absurdest tendencies, but the experience feels somewhat muted, and I think I’ve finally put my finger on why, when Campbell started selling a shirt (that if anybody feels like buying me because I have such a wonderful blog or anything…) reading “making one continuous mistake”. While each comic now creates its own, self-contained disaster of a human condition, before the story and its characters filled in the missing piece of the puzzle. With a continuity of their miserable existences, the dark humor became even more so. The tragedy didn’t end with each comic, but continued with the characters’ continuing existences, which couldn’t even be escaped from in death. Absolutely horrendous? Sure, but that’s what made it so brilliant. You could relate to the characters until you realized you couldn’t. That their lives were the perfectly imperfect versions of yours without any reprieve, which, whether Schadenfreude or the simple human magnetic pull to watch the nearest train wreck, creates an oddly blissful state of absorption, yet separation, from an overwhelmingly hollow existence.

And yes, I miss that. I’m absolutely insane.

(Sort Of) From Canada

As you know, if you follow this blog regularly, I was on vacation in Canada last week, and if you don’t follow this blog regularly, well, I suppose you got to avoid all the suspense from waiting to see if I’d actually update while I was away. As it turned out, there was about a week long gap between posts resulting from the lack of internet access, but, being the good obsessive young blogger with too much free time I don’t actually have, I’m ready to make it up to you.

Although I’m sure these could be found outside of Canada as well, I decided, after noticing the next item in a store, that this would be far too good a post to pass up, and so I ignored the glaring store workers and took pictures of what had to be some of the strangest things I’ve ever seen in a store.

For example, what exactly can one make of this?

I’m not sure which is better, just how helplessly phallic the nature of this thing is, or the fact that the box has the, um, “his” key holder with the (unintentionally?) strategically located keys, uh, dangling out and with the “her” holder, uh… yeah… just look at that box! Who designed that?

Speaking of questionable design choices… well, that’s what this whole post is about! Like this Christmas store we went into had a ton of, of all things, mermaid ornaments. I have no idea when mermaids suddenly became all Christmasy, but they were everywhere. And you know how you see those Santa ornaments where they have Santa depicted as a bunch of different things, like a golfer or a surfer or a plumber or something? Yeah, they did that with the mermaids too, and they were just as bizarre.

Yup. What’s more Christmasy than a Native American mermaid?

This is!

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmaaaaas!

Late to the Party: Currently Reading Grapes of Wrath (Roughly Halfway)

One of the biggest problems I’ve encountered with running a blog is that whenever I try to review a video game or a music album or something, I have to do something new. This is problematic because I tend not to get new things. I’m perfectly content with waiting a while to get things, and most of my purchases are actually things that have been around for a while. Like my most recent cd purchases were Rancid’s “And Out Come The Wolves”, which came out like fourteen years ago, and Green Day’s new “21st Century Breakdown”, but I picked it up about a month and a half after it came out, which seems just too late to really feel like a review. It’s even worse with video games, because those don’t just take an hour to listen to and then you’re done. It typically takes me months, if not years, to finish a game, both because I tend to have little time to play games, and I just get through them very slowly as it is. I picked up Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars for the DS about a week or two when it came out a few months ago, and only just finished it about a month ago. Again, far too late for a review, even though I’ve been itching to talk about how hilarious I thought it was when one of the characters in the game sent me an email with “Preemptive Revenge!” in the subject line and talked about “that Greek play Octopus“.

A partial workaround to this that I came up with way back is instead of writing a whole review, to just write a first-impressions sort of thing with how far I have gotten. However, you might have noticed I still rarely write anything like this, because one of the key problems still remains: time is of the essence. Say I were to write a post that started “Man, you guys should really check out this game Super Mario Bros.! I’m only on the second level, but HOLY COW OH WHAT FUN!”

Then it occurred to me, like it probably has to anybody who decided starting a blog for other unwitting people to read on the internet has or will realize, so what? It’s not like a new video game comes out and people are going to flock to some kid’s blog to see what they think of it. Of course, that occurred to me a while ago, and not because of the cold slap of reality that is the Stats page (“Ten hits yesterday? Hot damn, I’m on a roll!”), but because that’s not really what this kind of medium is. If anything, a blog is there for that personal, human condition touch, as opposed to a collection of varying levels of professionally conducted opinions.

So while I may have strayed from the point I was initially going to make, this is basically just a long-winded way of saying that I’ve come up with an excuse for reviewing things that have been around for a while that I might not have necessarily even have finished: a new feature (of sorts) I’m calling “Late to the Party”, where I do… pretty much what I’ve been talking about doing.

I also decided, like you may have guessed from the title, that I’m not even sticking to games and music. I’m just gonna rant about whatever I’m in the middle of. Like a book, because if there’s anything I really need to do more of, it’s read, because I read way less than I used to. This way I can kind of keep posting my thoughts about it as I read it and just chronicle my thoughts as I read it, hence another sub-feature I’m starting with this post: “Currently Reading”. I have no idea why I find that idea so exciting, but I’m pumped anyway. Maybe this will actually motivate me to work on finishing things.

And so, after that lengthy introduction… well, I’m reading John Steinbeck’s Grapes of Wrath. I know it’s a classic that’s been around forever and all that, but I honestly didn’t know what it was about. And to my delight, it’s story that centers around a journey. It alternates between a narrative account of a single (large) family driving to California and a more poetic one of an entire nation moving with them during the 1930s Dust Bowl migration (in case, like me, you didn’t know). I have no idea why, but I absolutely love the whole “this story is about people going from point A to point B” journey type of thing. All The Pretty Horses was my favorite thing I read during AP Lit. Steinbeck, of course, makes the whole thing quite a mouthful given how wordy he is, but it’s definitely worth it. The more poetic passages tend to kind of go in circles, but overall do an interesting job of creating a mood as the “bigger picture” setting the Joad family travels in, and it’s definitely a technique I’m going to want to experiment with in my own writing. The plot moves along rather slowly, but there’s usually enough to keep you entertained anyway, like the ex-preacher Jim Casy. I’ve always been a sucker for the sort of unconventional voice of wisdom flavour of  character (and I’d guess Steinbeck is too, with Lee in East of Eden too), and I love his not-sermons about going to “cuss an’ swear an’ hear the poetry of folks talkin’”, though he’s been quieter around the middle of the book, which is about where I am, at the part where they met a character who shoves what’s either a crapton of paranoia or reality into the picture, so you really get to start wondering about the toll of the journey.

Anyway, I really do need to finish the book, and now that I’ve posted this and want to keep the “Late to the Party” and “Currently Reading” features alive, so… yeah, guess I actually need to work on reading it now.

Man of Many Talents

Just a quick update, but basically I finally finished transferring my files onto my new laptop, which involved difficult, yet presumably avoidable, tasks such as copying over music spread out across two computers and an external drive with two distinct music folders on it.

Anyway, through a similar confusion rooting through two different “My Pictures” folders, I stumbled across this little animation I made in a web design class back in middle school:

I have absolutely no recollection how I made this. Yay learning!

Science!

I’m going to write a bit about the Nintendo stuff at E3, being the accidental and self-loathing Nintendo fanboy that I am, but since I graduate from high school in about nineteen hours, I don’t really feel like writing about that at this particular moment in time. Instead, since I spend so much time linking my readers (you do exist, right?)  to blogs my friends start and then never update again, I figure who am I to go against tradition?

Taking a look at what I have linked you guys to, there’s already some social commentary, some instructional running in circles, some DJ-esque chatter, someone who addresses the readers of their four short posts as “Ron”, and some kids who think they’re dinosaurs, but clearly my recommendations aren’t educational enough.

Fear not, for a remedy is at hand as one of my good friend is perfectly willing to inform you about Science! (Or “Science.” as the case may be) It’s all still fairly new, but all quite promising, and maybe this time the blog I’m linking to will actually continue updating once I do so! To get a general idea of what this kid’s up to over there, here’s an excerpt from one of his first posts, the origin of which I was actually present for, and was subsequently terrified by (in a good way!):

Basically, we’ll look at the chemical energy content in our food, and calculate the speed of a nine-pound-baby (chosen for the sakes of universality and oddity)  with an equivalent amount of kinetic energy (energy of motion).

So, looking on the McDonalds website, let’s take my standard food item of choice- A Big Mac.  McDonalds puts its calorie content at 540Calories. Now, remember- the food industry uses capital-C “Calories” as “kilocalories” so that they don’t have to explicitly admit that a Big Mac contains 540,000 calories of chemical energy.  You may recall from chemistry class that a single calorie is the amount of energy it takes to raise the temperature of one gram of water one degree.

This 540,000 calories is actually an archaic unit- let’s switch over to the SI unit Joules by multiplying by 4.184; yielding that the one Big Mac is roughly equivalent to 2,259,360 Joules.

The equation for kinetic energy is KE = (m * v^2)/2

So our roughly 9ish pound baby- approximately 4ish kilograms, then (divide pounds by 2.2 to get the kilogram equivalent), with 2,259,360 joules of kinetic energy, would need to be moving at:

2,259,360 = (4 * v^2)/2

v = 1062.86 meters per second.

For reference, the speed of sound at room temp in air on the earth’s surface is 334 m/s.

Now how can you not want to read the rest of that juicy morsel? Go stalk him!

The Procrastinator’s Rant: Centennial Edition

It’s a sign of the times, folks. The Procrastinator’s Rant is officially one year old. Or, rather, it was about a week ago, since I miscounted, thus ruining my idea to do a combined one-year-old/100th-post super post of awesome to celebrate. So it’s just my 100th post, not both that and the one year mark. I know. Lame.

Although on the other hand, this frees me up to do something else. For whatever reason, hitting that 100th post just doesn’t strike me as as big a deal as the one year mark, so I don’t have much interest in making a grand spectacle of all that happened during Procrastinator’s Rant’s first year or making a grand thank you, the latter because I do that in every other post anyway, because I’m thrilled people are actually reading the words I put on the internet. Really, on a serious note, given how a little over a year ago my only real outlet for my thoughts and humor was just whenever I hung out with my friends, the fact that there are actually people from California to Wisconsin, Illinois to Ohio, and more who not only read what I have to say, but do so willingly for entertainment is still pretty thrilling, and I of course need to thank everybody who does for doing so, and these are just people I specifically know about. During the first three months of Procrastinator’s Rant, I got 400 hits, which I now get on a monthly basis, and that’s not counting that day I got stumbled and got 600 hits overnight for that post about AP Biology ruining Pokemon.

And last, but not least, within that first year, I’ve become Google approved:

Yes. When you search for my blog on google, it is the first thing that comes up. Tight.

Anyway, like I said maybe two paragraphs ago, the fact that I totally didn’t spend any time on this post revelling in how eventful the blog’s first year was frees me up for a feature I’ve wanted to do for a while, and the 100th post seems like as good a place as any, since it’s sort of like that aforementioned thank you to everybody who made this possible, but in a different manner.

In other words, I’m going through and making fun of all the bizarre ways people have found this blog.

WordPress lets you see who referred to and what search terms led people to your blog, and although most of the time you’ll get fairly normal searches like, say, “Procrastinator’s Rant”, sometimes you get the unusual, the interesting, and the fairly unsettling. So I’m going to share these with you, the reader, and since most of the time they definitely did not get what they were looking for, I’m going to fix that and offer up the top five right here! Think of it as giving the fans what they want!

How else would I mark this milestone? Really?

1) Procrastinator Poem/Jokes About Procrastinators/How To Tell If You’re A Procrastinator/What Does The Word Procrastinator Mean?

First, let’s start with the only slightly misled. They were searching for something about procrastinators, and technically they got it, although my blog doesn’t really have a single thing to do with that. I already made fun of the “How To Tell If You’re A Procrastinator” guy, but the rest are newer to me.

Technically speaking all the poems on my blog would qualify as procrastinator poems, since I was almost certainly supposed to be doing something else whilst writing them, but if you want a poem strictly about procrastinators, here’s a limerick:

There once was a man from the equator,

A notorious procrastinator,

Who decided to wait

And postpone ‘til late

On that literature essay that’s due tomorrow and totally going to kill your grade if you don’t do a good job on it oh snap. Ator.

And, um… a joke about procrastinators…:

How many procrastinators does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, because a procrastinator is one who needlessly defers the performance of anything, especially out of habitual carelessness or laziness, so they probably wouldn’t be very well suited for actually carrying out the task.

Oh, hey! Two birds with one stone there! Moving on!

2) Watchmen Joke

This one actually had me fairly confused for a while, because it’s been pulling in a lot of hits, especially since I didn’t remember any actual jokes from the movie, aside from how silly Malin Akerman’s acting was (zing). So I actually, believe it or not, had to google this one to see what people could possibly be trying to find, since I doubt there’s such a high demand for knock knock jokes about The Watchmen.

So I think I’ve narrowed it down to two possibilities. One being The Comedian’s tearful realization that life’s a joke (and if that’s what was being searched for, well… that’s the joke! Life! =D ), and the other was Rorschach’s, well, joke:

“Heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he’s depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, ‘Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up.’ Man bursts into tears. Says, ‘But, doctor… I am Pagliacci.’ Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains. Fade to black.”

Hahaha!

And then on that third possibility you actually were looking for a joke about The Watchmen:

How many Watchmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Depends. The Comedian will screw anything that moves, Dr. Manhattan will make as many of himself as said screwing requires, and Nite Owl and Silk Spectre will do so in an awkward, lengthy, slow-motion scene that takes place in a flying submarine or something.

Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains. Fade to black.

3 )Magikarp When I Evolve/Making Fun of Magikarp/Magikarp DUR/Badass Magikarp

For whatever reason, people love coming to Procrastinator’s Rant for all their Magikarp-mocking needs. Well, what’s that all about? Really, we’ve all known Magikarp’s sucked for at least ten years, and we’re perfectly aware that he’s going to evolve into Gyarados, so clearly people are more than willing to put up with it. And how come nobody gives Goldeen any crap for being useless in Super Smash Bros.? It doesn’t do or evolve into anything useful there, how come it gets off the hook?

Who am I kidding? Magikarp jokes!

How many Magikarp does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Water Pokemon are weak to electricity! THAT’S A TERRIBLE IDEA!

4) Earthbound Haiku

Again, there’s two things people could be searching for. There actually is a haiku in Earthbound, which serve as Everdread’s last words after he falls out the building (spoiler):

But if you’re actually looking for a haiku about Earthbound, well… I’m sure I can think of one:

Funny and charming

Together on our journey

Ness Ness Ness Ness Ness…

And here’s a joke!

How many Nintendo of America executives does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Who knows? They’re too busy screwing over Earthbound/Mother fans!

5) Starmen.net Jerks/Starmen.net Sucks

Okay, seriously? Why are so many people searching for this? What did Starmen.net ever do to you? Those guys have been keeping the Earthbound/Mother cult fanbase alive for easily a decade, since Nintendo of America clearly has no desire to do so. Really? Did they steal your lunch money and call you fat or something? They seem like pretty nice fellows over there. I have nothing against them, and it’s kind of weird how all these searches lead to my blog…

So… that’s basically it! Although I’m sure this will be wildly unpopular amongst my raging fans, there really isn’t much material to make a joke about that last one.

Bah:

How many Starmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don’t know, but it takes like a kajillion before you find the Sword of Kings because only one out of every 128 have them and IT TAKES FOREVER!